x : Unknown

Darkness (words after a fall)

2008-03-23T17:50:00.001-04:00

And if your voice is drowned
By stormy winds and murky depths
I can at least scan the horizon
For signs to right the rudderless hull by

Lights (words before a fall)

2008-03-23T17:45:00.003-04:00

As easy as it would be to say so
We are not ruled by our stars
At best, faded and unsteady lights to guide
Our journeys separate or together

spent and not satisfied

2008-03-18T09:27:00.000-04:00

faith and i are become faraway friends
mostly we don't even speak
facing fortunes and sorting schedules
leaves me weary and weak
and the stories i tell myself
are colder than this
hard enough to keep my fire burning
much less someone else
uncertain
even in living and breathing

saving myself
for music and books
and dancing daughters

rescue myself
for coffeemaking
while she writes

Journey of Days

2008-02-27T18:37:00.003-05:00

sailing sunstained and seaworthy
through waters calm and stormy poseidon's delight
we navigate dead nights adrift
by stars unerring in their evening sight
treading paths our old souls know
holding out our hands to receive the sunlight

Native Uncle City

2008-01-08T09:18:00.001-05:00

sunblind and snowdeaf
circling the drain
overexposed and underdeveloped
circling the basket
windburnt and raindead

wild and woolly

2007-12-18T12:18:00.000-05:00

my words turned to fog in Decembrist air
crystallized inside my mind
waiting to see the source of desire
if it's me or it's you or the space inbetween
with the cats circling like pitchforks and torches
for want of scarves and mittens
and gossip for the tabloid leads

thoughts from a stall

2007-12-11T15:21:00.000-05:00

time erodes our memories
down to their core value;
but what is weathered away
may be worth more than we remember,
lost in fire and in fog

Fresh Kill

2007-12-02T02:10:00.001-05:00

tracking the fresh kill
steps on the path away from you
so far now

leaves and whistles from the dream
swirl and surround
shining faces turning
turning away into shy skies
babes and angels
scholars and sinners

reconnections, shouting into aether
electricity has closed us off so
we rejoice moderately at nothing more
than a glimpse
playing spot the humanity
in our own corpses

trails and tribulations
lead to the same bloody end
by the well and the water

bottle in front of me

2007-10-11T01:12:00.001-04:00

And every word, every one of her letters,
each a character, even the ones that aren't hers,
they break my heart all over again.

I run from her,
because I have nothing to run to,
swimming spirals in myself,
waiting for surgery.

Silence and sadness
hold no invisible judgment,
just fire and fog
and I may never be ready.

[untitled]

2007-09-28T09:15:00.001-04:00

Wond'ring with their long skirts pretty
Do they worship as we would
On their knees and on their backs
With starclouded minds' eyes
And braille memories

YSDP10: split and spread

2007-08-21T21:59:00.000-04:00

folding grey laundry under rumpled skies
i spy with my flat little eye
another set of tumors autobahning the cortex
[another line lost to walking through fire and fog]
the american cage split and spread
less martyr than murder, squirming
intestines billhooked out the skull
as christ-arms dance and dangle
weightless for the supplicant camera

YDP07: soulja

2007-08-18T01:48:00.000-04:00

beat cops swagger and sweat with their clients
black-ended strays break from under car to car
fresh peach paint slathers seventy-year walls
hunted and humid i slump through my doors

to share a bed again, a wish
but i don't have to show you the mistakenness
like pins set up for another winless frame
a rumbling throat under white-noise blades

YDP05: tinker

2007-08-13T18:56:00.000-04:00

a codependent study
autovivisection as pastime
with mute unseeing science as my tool
i bend back the bone bars of the
cage containing what i've never noticed before
this too, a lie of the grown-up child

i spy another instrument
tailored to my velocity
but careful with that ex, eugene
it has set my controls for the sun of my heart

YDP09: coping with sumner

2007-08-06T01:25:00.000-04:00

we rode the fictional plane from london
waylaid by the fratellis and
arrested by the police
burning naked under the giant sun
first down and ninety to go

torpedo tits and pretzel stench
behind glass
and only the drummer refused to fight

five dollar snapples and eight dollar beers
and i won't even quote the hand jobs
god bless 'em at least i got carded

YDP08: spy

2007-08-06T01:21:00.000-04:00

My last words to her will be
like a New Yorker cartoon caption
"Our black cat has died."
Homeostasis.

YDP06: tailor

2007-08-06T01:20:00.000-04:00

I am at least six months behind her curve
or would that I could be
and could fly namesake skies
to touch

YDP04: a swearengen weekend

2007-08-06T01:19:00.000-04:00

I had almost fooled myself
that a life of solitude could be had
but then I held my blood in my hands
two or four weeks old, my bucket upended
coughing into my mitchum-stained shirt

I talk and talk and
understand myself ever less
Ain't that right, chief?

YDP03: silence

2007-08-02T09:31:00.001-04:00

In the beginning, silence was agreement
synthetic and cautious
but I found it a child's strategy
soon abandoned in the sandbox

For a time, silence was home
speechless and comforted
but deception of that magnitude presupposes
levels of character that few can profess

Then, silence was necessary
spacious and compulsory
but energy cannot come from a void
and the jackhammer eventually wound its way through

Briefly, silence was punishment
servile and criminal
thought of as the cowards' way
but even easy outs will end the inning

Now, silence is a struggle
stilted and confounded
fought in the loser's bracket
by those unaware of its ending

Surely even this
will someday prove amiss

YDP02: Axis of evoL

2007-08-01T21:10:00.000-04:00

There's a hole in my heart where the spindle went through
Now I've run off the rails
My gyroscope fails

'cause you were my axis of love
yes, you were my axis of love

You kept me spinning like a top
I hoped, I wished, I dreamed it would never stop

There's a hole in my heart where the spindle went through
The hand on the bowstring reminds me of you

YDP01: unhappy creatures

2007-08-01T09:42:00.001-04:00

We are unhappy
creatures seeing ourselves in your desperation
laden with what we've lost
our shiny dreams fabricated
like our earliest memories, despite what we've been told
With spurned consumers' anger
snapping and pawing the ground
we are quarantined by our past reflections
shunned by the sunstroked and silent
those raw and burnt, flinching from touch
with the safety of range
With hipster irony, listless and dilute,
we level our surroundings despite
no blueprint worth mentioning
revision unnecessary
the past standing as it always has and apparently must
We are all unhappy creatures

coda
I should have stopped to write the lines
Now they are gone like passengers sick on trains
stained with the gore of stillborn poetry

E16St

2007-08-01T09:40:00.000-04:00

Sweating of garlic the coke man stares through my nascar shades
He knows i said things meant for someone else or some other time

just like

2007-07-27T21:31:00.001-04:00

just like you
to wait at the other end of the car
and not dare complain that i don't walk with you
just like me
to keep reading trout fishing in america
and sit and pull out stories that don't explain us

1 last 1

2007-06-21T09:38:00.000-04:00

the firepit was dug, and it shone
intensely white and ephemeral,
and I, thinking it would endure
as sustenance, or life itself,
knew not what she thought, nor
did I think such a thing unknowable,
but I have seldom been as wrong

I survived as ashes survive,
and she has gone to burn in other places,
as meteoric as my memory,
and I suppose it also wrong to hope
that someday I could be consumed again,
and knowing this desire, I stand
chin out and cheek turned,
ashamed in my folded and sheathed heart

[untitled]

2007-06-13T09:24:00.000-04:00

I was a laser, focused
a coherent ray of light
bending gravity and empty space
infinite in my singularity

Now I am scattered, buckshot
cleaned and dressed and strung up
reduced to writing on credit card offers
matches left unstruck and deals unmade

Too old to continue bearing the load
failing again to be a lover leaving
a candle in the window
has only arsoned my abode apart
ashes in the wind while
embers hum autumn colours

Lake over Heaven

2007-06-10T23:17:00.000-04:00

It should not be hard to discern my purpose
Hearts are harder here in the city
The murmur of mine moreso than most
It should not be hard to design my philosophy
But I'm wary of the weight and wage
and oppressed by unscheduled overtime

kleine Eier

2007-04-05T08:06:00.000-04:00

Two years of conversing in my head
all we've done lately is breaking bread
still voice still in the water
chasing raining jesuses deep under breast
my best intentions rise and falter
old friends pregnant with promise of rest

frag meant

2007-02-14T09:59:00.000-05:00

wheels on baby blankets white
throw powder to winterdemons at bay
as i climb towards the warm disdain of cats

[untitled]

2006-11-28T14:55:00.000-05:00

We sail on short waters
But navigate by unerring stars

late summer rain

2006-09-07T09:49:00.000-04:00

a broken man i remain
washed up
on the shore of my disengagement
painting over fences
that haven't yet been mended

i find it a little bit hard
to honor your averted gaze
finally and without remorse
a piece of me in yourspace
claimed and neutered

i find it a bit hard
to see a map or a picture
and think of my home that will never be
never to see you again except
in the small and strangled hours
of my deep red mournings
full of silence and criticism

i had everything you never wanted
and now even that is gone
vanished like late summer rain
in the arc of my waving arm

a neverending supply of if-onlies
a solitaire of distraction
from my little bit hard reality

if only this were as inevitable
as everything else between us
but i cannot celebrate what i don't believe.

[shade of a shadow]

2006-07-17T06:54:00.000-04:00

how much longer should I take the loss
my dreamer drowning in fire and fog

a profound mistake
settles on my terrain as early snow
bright and beautiful, then
featureless and silent

[untitled]

2006-07-13T23:21:00.000-04:00

I thought I had lost you
even though I've known where you are all this time

but like a certain dick I know
I doubt my own identity
and drug myself with what I fear
fighting to destroy the very thing I am

Mistrust is well placed
as I smart bomb myself over and over

I wear the suit of many smiles
in hiding from the projection/protection of my peers

Behind my shielding hand I spy
the thing I want most in the world
I've compassed your direction all this time
though you are heedless of the watchful flatglass eye

stub, three

2006-06-21T00:05:00.000-04:00

not carrying a torch
it's more of a matchstick
blazing briefly and snuffed out
before anything catches alight
and if i couldn't light your fire
it weren't for lack of kindling

stub, two

2006-06-20T23:59:00.000-04:00

sleepriding
everlow i lay to unrest the complications

paycheck scribblings antedated
chance of recovery contraindicated
feverdreaming of a future overmedicated
rather than vindicated

stub, one

2006-06-20T23:58:00.000-04:00

the torch i carry gutters Out
raged, i fumble for the Matchstick
men of lesser grade would Leave
me, how else would i see the dark places

two sides of three coins

2006-05-16T14:54:00.000-04:00

she's my ocean, deep and green
leaving kindling debris on my shore
she's my ocean, undertow
pulling me down to cities under seas
i am air for her fire
whistling consumed leaving ash in her mouth

in her mist-eyed reminiscence
is there special radiance for me
or just one in a string of discards
driven by a need to be bored
another cell in her prison memory
labeled the one from new york
gripping my most improved trophy

Why are you here?

2006-03-30T07:47:00.000-05:00

She looks in the window
on her irregular schedule
sees dinner on the table
and dishes in the sink
This is the life he has
He seems mostly well
perhaps a hint of ragged black
around his edges
like a child's attempt at eyeliner
Can she see him as he
strangles one of his many desires
in the small and defenseless
morning hours
He does it for his own good
and the good of the company
he keeps

hero

2006-03-08T09:05:00.000-05:00

you showed me how to hate myself
you showed me how to love

my weapons arrayed against myself
laid out the night before

you showed me all is new again
you showed me some things never change

you showed me the math
you showed me some letters

i need to be my own hero
i need to find a way to keep myself above
zero

Chore

2006-02-09T09:29:00.000-05:00

It was just some dishes
petty and inappropriate

And if you can't learn that I am not your husband
I don't want to believe that this was a mistake.

And is there a secret thrill in watching our dirty laundry mount?
Does it make her a safe haven for sleep?
And where does she smile?
on her lips
in her red mirror
or in the shadowed eaves of her lonesome heart?

[untitled]

2005-11-30T05:20:00.000-05:00

our baggage unpacked
we continue to sort and discard
a process arduous and fraught
with possibilities uncounted
but we are armed with our experiences
and are aware of the stakes

her bluing eyes ravish in their intensity
unwavering and beautiful
her face long with trouble and frustration
savage and carnal

she touches me in secret ways
and i sink into her forgiving softness

if she only loved people as she does animals
but then, that is what she reserves for me

[untitled]

2005-11-30T05:18:00.000-05:00

drunken photos for him and not for me
beautiful and wanting in her sadness

pithy sarcasm for him and not for me
ugly and defiant in her anger

what is it she regrets, I wonder
if anything
for me and not for him

[untitled]

2005-11-07T12:32:00.000-05:00

These cold November tones have come again
to fill my eyes with dead water
And in my mind a sliver
shivers through it's ritual memory

working with words on the clock
playing with words on the train
disinterested disinterment

Demention

2005-10-27T09:55:00.000-04:00

It takes time,
Time to talk yourself into anything
But there's space,
Oh so much space between us now

It's been so long,
Longer than the waiting for my life to be what it seems
And my heart is open wide,
Wide enough to hold the pieces of all my dreams
My feelings deep,
Deep enough to drown in if only I would try
And I'm so high,
High on all the tragedy and laughter left behind

It takes time,
Time to talk yourself out of everything
And all that space,
Space is all that's left between us and inside me now

table scraps

2005-10-27T09:36:00.000-04:00

[1999]

Pick you up and look for the label
Put you down back on the table

Someday you'll know I was right
When you're the person you promised you'd be

[2002.07.21]

i need you to cut me off
i need you to cut me off
Will you be my tourniquet

Christ i dunno
I've run out of reckless abandon
just sit on my ass watching ruthless aggression
and i've already made last call

[2002.10.23]

the ghost inside me loves the ghost of you still

[2002.11.23]

Pull the trigger of the future
Kill the memory of the past

[2002.12.15]

Sleeping gods lie [through their teeth]

[2003.07.15]

Can't promise you a bed of roses
Without showing you the dirt
Can't reach for the pie in the sky
but make sure you don't miss the tin

[2003.09.28]

You took the apple of my eye
Cut it up into a pie
Served up a slice oh so sly
So where's my fucking ice cream?

[2003.10.03]

It's hot for damn near anywhere else
But cold for a day in hell

Made my bed
Now I have to tell half-truths in it

[2003.11.24]

Three Mind Blights

[2004.04.05]

...
now the game between us
is played out
...
now the song between us
is played out
...
now the rope between us
is played out

The Conquest of History

2005-09-29T07:01:00.000-04:00

her voice low and subtle
as her smiling eyes light them a sunrise
slow and past tense she waits
as i have waited with summer-breath bated
these misted months and years
from days of yearning embers threaten burning
the dark tides now avenged
by her light awoken through nights unspoken
subtle and low her voice
her choice, my will, our victory.

A bordo del treno a Pescara

2005-09-29T07:00:00.000-04:00

left empty by dreams drained
away, i set to rebuild, wanting
for a plan, uncharacterised and
undeterred, destroying and
defacing the meaning to blank
the page in preparation, a foundation
shaping the firmament, always
constructing for future, tears as
mortar and shame as concrete, filling
up again with new directions, displaying
old wares in new packaging, warranty
expired, promise finally fulfilled?

stripped of scaffolding after hours
airborne and restless in rooms unfamiliar
the dream-emptiness returns by
ambuscade behind arches and street
corners, scrub hills and scarped
facade, i look to return, scarred
and armed with new character,
determined and blooded,
beloved.

[untitled]

2005-09-21T15:22:00.000-04:00

2004.09.21

No one makes me feel lonely by not being there
Just you, just you

I lose my balance with no one to hold me up
Just you, just you, just you

No one makes me empty by being so far away
Just you, just you

I lose my cool in silence with no warmth from anyone
Just you, just you, just you

[untitled]

2005-09-10T21:27:00.000-04:00

2005.09.10

I must confess that curiosity
Has proved my better
With a question not
On my lips but rather, fingertips --
Do you still have my music
Do you do as I have done
And keep it to yourself in private lonely moments
A sacrament to our own shame

I must confess that concentration
Eludes me at my worst
Though those moments are furthest from me now
From time to time I hold them close
And work the feelings I now reserve for someone
Else, unique and familiar
I wish it was something I could share with you
Impossible as that is
But then we proved poor at the impossible in the end

Did you do as I have done
And destroyed what you could
And treasured what you couldn't

Chapter and Worse

2005-08-30T06:54:00.000-04:00

lazing through my summerrides
dreaming of Corvara and fear of my father
old faces composing and decomposing
pieces of lovers I knew or thought I did
pulling unthreaded at memories well-shined
waking in the heat unscheduled and divine
another chapter required if I have the leaves
my baggage unchecked and forgotten at the stile

debriefing

2005-08-19T06:15:00.000-04:00

early signals at the promenade
sailboats in the sun
and a rainbow five, complete with magnetic attraction
late breakfast in the grand canyon
street corner kiss
soft and natural as a shepherd puppy
later signals at the promenade
willful intention and connection
brief baring of virtual scars
realization of a new inevitability
a promise

a finger tracing, rewriting history on my collarbone
two cats circling, surveying unfamiliar terrain

the last first train out of bay ridge
and september's here again, early
sylvian turns the stage over
to brand new heavies
gimme one of those, gimme one of those
a surprising c.f.w. for comparative purposes
dawn, rushing
slakes the night's thirst
while i cash my first paycheck
and wait for faxes from teatro di pompeo

Feerfall

2005-08-15T19:15:00.000-04:00

We apparently will never get past tense
And now I drum my mind around the rim, around the rim
Indisciplined and tentative
Lost without my social-security common sense

SWM-SWF

2005-06-29T18:55:00.000-04:00

Looking for a partner in crime
Must have a sense of humor
Love my family, love my friends
But don't bother to wink
I won't respond
No, I won't respond

Sexy, Sexier, Secretary
Sexy, Sexier, Sedaris.

Seems We Made
Sure We'd Fail

In my bedroom, you'll find me
My most humbling moment, this is it
The best lie I've ever told
The worst lie I've ever told
I don't lie
No, I don't lie

Sexy, Sexier, The Shins
Sexy, Sexier, Self-deprecation.

Surely We Felt
Something While Murmuring

You're a wonderful man, but.
I never wanted to hurt you, but.
We can still be friends, but.
Every one has a liar and a fool
But I'm not the liar
No, I'm not the fool

Suddenly Weakness Merges
Solace With Fear

What I Don't Need / desiredata

2005-06-20T10:04:00.000-04:00

I want to hear your music
hear your music again
from your hands, from your lips

I want your poetry, sensitive and red
like a pickup truck
previously owned by richard brautigan

I want to see your sunsets
sunsets of nothing but horizon
without a road to ride off on

I want to walk your divided road
to the alhambra on the corner
for spanish omelettes and a fruit cup

I want iced tea and your local paper
local and unknown
like raw skin burnt by the walking sun

I want your walls of pinups and cowgirls
nostalgic and smirking
in sunday morning altar-light

I want to be on my knees in your garden
your garden's earth around my fingers
your subtle laugh beside me

I want to feel your breathing deep
to sleep and not to sleep
under a comfort rainbow

Spirit of the Times

2005-06-11T22:58:00.000-04:00

waiting for the door to open
and crying to the still air
settling in the window, remembering
grass and gravel of better times
losing your hair, losing your sleep
stretched out on the floor
seeking the spring sun

[untitled]

2005-06-11T22:56:00.000-04:00

words of anger
words of love
copied like CDs
or divided like books
broken and shipped in boxes
apart

who owns the words?

the shared is easily missed
the differences, chances to learn

[untitled]

2005-06-11T22:54:00.000-04:00

wide-open country
only wind and stars
wind and stars
bears and beer
and swimming silent under skies

Spurned Turned Phrase Phase

2005-06-10T18:43:00.000-04:00

dishtowels doused in beer and Bustelo
weepless trees bowing under heaviest rain
sleepy Jesus, lazy upright neglect
grid lights rising to meet their winged reflections
self-sewn sequins and foil falling hearts
resistant to entreaty

Fire Fragments

2005-06-07T23:29:00.000-04:00

2005.04 / 2005.06.08-11

tried to live with just your memory
caught between too much and not enough
wishing prairie dreams were more home than vacation

and that heat you feel playing up your back
is the fire that I lit
'cause I'm burning all my bridges
but it keeps me warm, it keeps me warm
in the long plush dark where we lie alone

hoarding my sadness to spend at my leisure
friends arriving and friends departing
leading me on to their pleasure

and that shriek you hear rushing in your ears
is the fire that I lit
'cause I'm burning all my money
and it keeps me warm, it keeps me warm
in the long plush dark where we sleep alone

Heploss

2005-06-06T06:42:00.000-04:00

Sleeping with the lights and white noise sublime
The poetry of dreams interrupting my rhyme
Your music knocks me out just like last time
And I'll never catch up to my breath again
Never catch my breath to hold it in

When I slip and fall from a grace
I never knew in the first place
I read your mind and see your face
And fall in love all over again
All over again for the last time

Fever Dream

2005-06-05T19:19:00.000-04:00

Woke up in a haze again this morning
Why should what I say
Make any sense today

Fever dream
And how could I believe her
When nothing's what it seems

A light shines through my clouded afternoon
A smile is all she had
It always makes me sad

Fever dream
I never thought I'd leave her
but that's just what it seems

The moon looks over my shadow this evening
I gained and lost a friend
You get yourself in the end

Fever dream
I knew that I'd deceive her
but even that's not what it seems

Why Spare Returns

2005-06-05T07:16:00.000-04:00

just when I think I'm out I'm back in
when I thought I had left it behind me
I'm weak in the way I don't want to be

I hear the whispers that don't speak to me anymore
I can barely feel the eyes that don't see me anymore
and even her loss is not mine anymore

now it's 7 AM on God's own Sunday
and I don't know what to do with myself
or who I should belong to

Romance has left me, or I have left Romance
and stretched like a slinky I creak and groan
shame is a comfort, hope is a poison
I still love ya, ya goof

stranger things have happened with strangers
some of them are happening to me now

[untitled]

2005-04-26T19:19:00.000-04:00

She sings to me in words I've heard before
I don't know just how I got here
The sunshine on my face is the voice inside my head
Saying, baby, don't go looking for that pain

I talk to her of songs that never played before
We don't know how we got here
The rain inside my head is just that same old story
Saying, baby, don't go looking for her name

And when we're locked up tight
I can dream that it's alright
With the quiet night surrounding us now
And when she takes my hand
I try my best to understand
Where I've come from and where I'm off to now

She speaks to me in tongues just like before
She don't know quite how I got here
The clouds upon my heart are faces from my past
Saying, baby,
don't cry for us

Not Even Remotely

2005-04-26T05:57:00.000-04:00

And if you ever told me I was boring
Well I could probably live with that
And if you ever thought you caught me unawares
It would be for me and not for you that I'm performing

I can't read the writing on the wall anymore
I lost the pen that wrote it all the day before
And if I ever wanted it back, then I don't anymore
And looking for it's only got me what I never wanted
Never wanted

And if I thought that intimacy was broken
Well I could probably live with that
As if there's a difference between the silence and the quiet
And what she whispers is all I ever needed left unspoken

And I can't read the writing in my black book anymore
I've lost the blood I wrote it in the day before
And if I ever wanted it back, then I just don't anymore
And looking for it's only got me what I never wanted
Never wanted

And your music in the morning
strikes me across my face
It never came together quite right
in the first place

And if you thought that I was a little too intense
Well I could probably live with that
I'm back out on those slick and noisy roads again
My hands are open, my eyes are full, and there's everywhere to turn

I can't recognize the writing in my weblog anymore
I broke the keyboard that wrote it all the day before
And if I ever wanted it back, then I don't think so anymore
And looking for it just got me what I never wanted
Never wanted, never wanted

Me and Eulogy

2005-04-13T02:02:00.000-04:00

i wish you could hear what it's like
on the other side of this open door
muffled and coarse rumbling air
humbled and stifled
still and inconsolable

what was in your mind at the econo-lodge
in the stink of neighborly sex
and dead solemn silence under sheets

The Love lies in state

a funeral with no one attending
no corpse to inter
a bouquet of questions final

was it the far past that did it
how is the better the greater threat
did comfort and ease breed impossibility
is the missing thing trust and its terrible company
how close would we have had to be to cross the field and shake our hands

now the empty box
waits for the rain of the first spadeful
ravenous for the dirt and darkness
a song without knees
a night without rings
and distance, distance

and i would fly tomorrow if it would make a difference

In or Out?

2005-04-05T13:04:00.000-04:00

We could air our dirty laundry
and let others see their soiled sheets in ours

I'd rather return to wind and stars
wind and stars
remember how to be speechless
and comforted

Are we in this; together?
Or are we out; apart?

I can do this anytime

2005-04-01T20:27:00.000-05:00

I need
To understand the metric of silence
I have learned and unlearned
And looking it in the face
I am still unaccustomed
Afraid to leave my baggage at the gate

You've brought
A piercing strange light to my eyes
And I struggle with the wielding
Though in my memory it better lives
We can draw it whenever we choose
To inform our new lives, together or apart

Today Ends the Weak

2005-04-01T20:14:00.000-05:00

Gnawing the bones worrying
the straggled morsels not
all my limb remains there
is some in the trap a
large American-style portion
proportionate to my investment.

When the dream careens Icarish
to earth becoming rain I look
to your imagined face for my
insurance a confidence game to
found a new house of glass for
throwing stones out of.

Shouting the shouting doesn't
stop and it's only when the
hoarseness grows that I realize
I purchased it with my own
flight to wombish staring
darkness hiding nothing.

Shame grows from adoration
when perspective is lost through
the spyglass even when the
secret is never told because
the telling can never be
honest enough to hold account.

[untitled]

2005-01-08T10:07:00.000-05:00

okay, say good night,
but we can't, even to bring
it one day closer

[untitled]

2005-01-08T04:37:00.000-05:00

she smiles, suddenly
i know all i need to know
about how we feel

undone and careless
we dance apart and alone
laughing secretly

secret smiles we hide
brashly offered words delight
love and hand puppets

coffee on the train
sad games and hard-won laughter
i miss you always

[untitled]

2005-01-06T02:08:00.000-05:00

snow paints my treadpath
beating heart so close to skin
no sleep amidst trees

moonface turns away
pale clouds fold into themselves
cold rain slides to snow

Strung and Sleepless

2004-12-29T08:38:00.000-05:00

restless and ravenous with
fifteen to go floating my
mind a compass caught
spinning in the storm the
magnetism merciless dragging
me down and around to
depths and doors left
unopened and unannounced if
only just once she
would shush me and touch
me with tender eyes would
it fill my surprise or found
my uncertain reality

Elemental Obvious

2004-12-27T15:51:00.000-05:00

Artfully circling embracing fire
Hurtling wind weaving out and in
Stamping forgiving earth, a ward
Skies above eyes strained with rain

Funny Old Word

2004-12-20T13:07:00.000-05:00

I fear I'm addicted, and there's
this fantastically aching new ache
in all the spaces you've made
inside me for yourself

If addiction this be,
then I will make this mine,
that I give from the barest heart of my being,
what you have seen from the beginning,
with eyes true and burning,
bringing light to all my dark places,
chasing off the aches with faces
poised in a pale soft green
and i ruminate over the words i've seen
and sent to the sky as a sign,
not of what we can be,
but of what we must be

In Progress

2004-12-14T08:35:00.000-05:00

I close my eyes and you are there.

fine autumn leaf hair soft-cushions my troubled face
trembling, murmurs and smiles and half-spoken wishes
yearning is not always agony

I open my eyes and you are there.

Morning sun slips over your still form, disappearing
whiteglare resembling heat my presence
filled with uneasy peace and easy truth

PRAIRIE ECHOES: a continuing conversation

2004-12-10T13:53:00.000-05:00

I've been here before

I've got a peaceful, uneasy feeling
Like the ratchet-clank of roller-coasters
storing up potential energy
Ready to kick it kinetic

Drunk on the possibilities
Curling my toes on the precipice

is it fate?
is it destiny?
or merely inevitable?

Seduce
Easy and loose
Choose
Between new shoes
And three feet of snow

Slow
Lost and found
Speechless and comforted
I wonder at the sound of your voice
Nothing could be better than a swandive
I'm falling and the fire in my heart ignites, alive

*
Wind and stars, wind and stars

I've never been here before

I can feel it coming in the air...

2004-12-10T01:22:00.000-05:00

You know exactly what I'm talking about: the little knot of excitement
that runs the marathon from gut to throat as you fire up the CPU.
You're a fool, as I am. You can't help but rush through the
pedestrian traffic. The unsolicited offers, the so-called comedic
forwards, the deluge of trivia. This is dangerous and flush with
promise of ruin and riot, but you know, as I do, that a kindred spirit
waits on the other end.

I have to warn you, I'm notoriously easy to seduce. I am drunk on
possibilities, and none too careful.

There was a field and a hill and a moon. The sounds of a party
drifted away into the night until all the noise and light was gathered
up into the round face in the black tarp of the sky. Before they knew
it, they were lying on their backs, and the world was wind and stars,
wind and stars.

Yours is a terrific dream, one well worth having. Since I met you the
other night, I have been in a stuttering half-dream... Am I cRaZy?
What force beyond power has caught hold of me and lifted me to such a
precarious place?

I am dreaming, but where will I be when I wake up?

Winterregnum

2004-01-19T11:53:00.000-05:00

A mute and virginal vista
Calling out to someone
Pretty sure the name wasn't yours
At least, it was no one I know

Or am I just writing in the snow
Pissing away my morning fevers
Expectant and mournful for a sun
And I never even missed her

Calls and Letters

2003-07-31T01:01:00.000-04:00

just wanted to write you a note
to let you know that we're through
after all that i gave and all that we had
in the end i had had enough of you

the calls and letters
oh these calls and letters
it all just has to stop
these calls and letters
all these calls and letters
i'm afraid it ain't never gonna stop

it's not like i don't know what you'll tell me
didn't you get my email the other day
how many times do i hafta say it
things'll never work out this way

the calls and letters
oh these calls and letters
it all just has to stop
these calls and letters
all these calls and letters
i'm afraid it ain't never gonna stop

where did you go
how have you been
what do you think
who lets it end
aw when will it end

i've had enough of talking to your machine
i swear this is the last time i will call
but i ain't through with you yet, aw no
you get one more chance to say anything at all

the calls and letters
oh these calls and letters
it all just has to stop
these calls and letters
all these calls and letters
i'm afraid it ain't never gonna stop

another haiku

2002-02-07T01:01:00.000-05:00

to a stranger met by chance

years have passed for us
words as simple as goodbye
do not come simply

a whim haiku

2001-10-22T01:01:00.000-04:00

dream faces go by
the wind stirring autumn leaves
real as yesterday

[untitled]

2000-08-01T01:01:00.000-04:00

you take my hand
how did I find you
warm secret sunset smiles
and electric eyes
the days are long
the nights longer
stronger

[untitled]

2000-07-31T01:02:00.000-04:00

(words words crimson angle tongue thoughtless, murderous cut me revenge it's always yours)	They're only words But they're all we have to go on They're all we have to share They're all I have to work with when you show me you don't care
(stained yellow spyglass fuel for righteous fire anger and hunger chains and barbs holding up the darkness, the lightness)	They're only memories But they're all we have to go on They're all we have to share They're all I have to hold on to when love is no longer there
(flaming skin igniting the path open hands, touching and pleading laser focus eyes I disintegrate, I disingenuous origami self, preposterous proposals)	They're only dreams But they're all I have to go on They're all I have to share They're all I have to look forward to...

Last Call

2000-07-31T01:01:00.000-04:00

So take your pictures and go
Don't say a word, it might be an invitation
It doesn't matter, I know
My eyes would follow you, black with hesitation

Is this the last call
You ground your heel and walked away
It's the last call
Why did one of us have to take the fall
I can't expect I'll see you again
And why would I ever...

So go back to the animals you call friends

I know you used to scream and shout
In rhythm moments, quiet spaces of gentle violence
It's a sound I learned to live without
I never thought the sound of goodbye would be silence

Is this the last call
You dug in your heels and walked away
It's the last call
Why did one of us have to take the fall
I'm not sure I want to see you again
And why would I ever...

You walked in with your ridiculous hair
And your bruised and placid look
How long did it take to build that shield
And why would you ever...

Is this the last call
You turned on your heel and walked away
It's the last call
Why did one of us have to take the fall
I don't know if I'll see you again
And why would I ever want to

Going Away

2000-07-06T01:01:00.000-04:00

Wander a forest of doubts and misgivings
The path I was given, a path misgiven
Pray at the temple, Offer the sky
Just to see her again, burned by fireside eyes
A haze rains down to show me the way
show me the way home
and Every minute of every day
She's going away
She's going away

My eyes swim in her autumn sunset hair
Shimmer waves of faroff distant heat
A crackling chain reaction, forced to my knees
I lay down my hands and whisper the vows
To winds that promise to carry me off
carry me off home
and Every minute of every day
Every gesture, Every word I say
She's going away
She's going away

Buffer Overload

2000-03-01T01:01:00.000-05:00

Oh I remember

I was your angel
You were my babe

Now you take your scalpel to my tumorous memory
(loads of anaesthetic)

Do you remember

I was your angel
a shooting wailing star
You were my babe
a buried precious treasure

Now I grind like grit in a stained alcohol glass
(where's my refill?)

Hair on end a charged human battery
less than a man and more
drained and hungry malnourished
a woman known and unknown
deknown
misknown?

beach-smooth pebble and edge-hard shell
roar-snapping fire and sleek-whisper sheets
another lens to my memories
sketches to hold
protect and model a future work

Can you remember

I was your angel your sweet sweet angel
You were my babe my darling darling babe

I still remember

Charged

1999-10-26T01:01:00.000-04:00

I'm tuned up
I'm a charged particle
a sky pregnant with storm
stretched over the barren earth
incandescent
I breathe fire and shit lightning
my hair stands on end, an ovation
my tongue is a needle
my eye is a microscope
spying on the world crawling by in slow motion
I could fly past the stop signs
and careen off the walls
I can hit all the bumpers for high score
a creaking balloon warping its shape
a battery waiting for an engine to jump
the foamy rush of rapids
a shooting star
I'm burning up on re-entry
I'm the gleam in the eye of a stunt driver
I'm the pulse in the heart of a ninth-inning pitcher
I'm the pains of labor
and the dawn of Christmas
I'm the spark on the kindling
I'm burning up

Damnage

1999-07-16T13:01:00.000-04:00

struck dumb by a heavy shadow
we dance at increasing distance
the loosening spiral of history knows
no future of locks or keys
we turn from the bars and abandon the power
war is never civil
and the opposite of faith brings only damnage

The Experiment

1998-12-20T01:01:00.001-05:00

something is wrong - what the fuck?
Holiday, Sex, Work, Emily, Me, Incomplete, incomplete...
trapped.
Family.
unreasonable, irrational, angry, projecting, awful, fuck.
Baby.
baby. (baby)
running away, pursuit, stalemate, asshole, party crash.
Why do you always blame me
Why does it always have to be my fault
(fault-line)
because i never blame you
it never has to be your fault
you always blame you
it always has to be your fault.
pig-fucker.
who are you?
what do you want?
why are you here?
scared
peace
nowhere else to be
i go there anyway, hiding
hiding from you, from me, from between us
over us
not over us (must)
between the cracks
rain-soaked sneakers and a well-worn Family room chair
a thin comfort futon, an empty bed
a room full of furniture, an open and bleeding head
a ring never worn, a lie never said
a plan never made, a book partly read
there is no pain bullshit you/I are/am receding
eight weeks to destroy eight years
eight days to destroy eight weeks?
eight minutes?
how long does asphyxiation take?
always wanting something else
something you can have but can't
something to fill the need
always a need to need.
i was there and i wasn't there
you were there and you weren't there never there
where are you / am I?
rings of red and brown surrounding
fading green
a high bird's nest empty
cracking stonework
dirty.
enough?
I want it and I don't want it and I want not it
it continues   it stops
it must continue   it must stop
it cannot continue   it cannot stop
all of these are true or TRUE or True
holiday might break me
where do i go from here
alone or together, both must be true (TRUE) (True)
then my only truth was a lie (LIE?)
liars and fools
promises and rules
roller-coasters and merry-go-rounds
we've got it all, even some hooliganism
will you even see this? will you?
i never see it, i'm in it, i am it
i can only be it
no compromise   no regret   bullshit
no remember   no forget
I don't want to leave Life, just this one
but no other suits me   accepts me
you can't take it with you anyway
motherfucker.
baseball bat
broken and twisted keys
a dead tree
a knife in a door
a confession in runes
a bruise under ice
a bruise under clothes
a bruise in untouchable places
aggravated and sore, very sore
double dose and still no sleep
no rest for the weary and wicked
there's shopping to do
meetings   deadlines   surfing   parties   dickwads
freezing hands   burning mind
broken pencil   dead batteries
slick skin   quiet hiss   permanent stain
enough?
arrogance is bliss
picking the scab
sorting the trash
folding the laundry
fleeing the scene
climbing the stairs
leeching the blood
crying the lines
stemming the flood
a fallen angel, angel still
invisible
unknowable
incomprehensible
unreachable
fractions of a whole
fractures and stains
fissures and gaps
reflections in glass, in silver
in cracks and lines
in scars and trophies
in windows   in eyes
in the dawn   in the sunset
in the star-filled skies
in the ocean deeps dark
in flushed crimson, in silent white
in tender blue and expectant green
in mountain night sky black
enough?

[untitled]

1998-12-20T01:01:00.000-05:00

fuck the rules
all bets are off
never signed up for this anyway

a map to the stars
ink hasn't even dried yet and
the lawyers are being called
out to lunch and sleeping in the doghouse

inner godzilla raging, rampaging
smashing obsolete (absolute) weapons and
innocents (innocence) alike

[untitled]

1998-12-07T01:01:00.000-05:00

eyes focused inward
the key to an open door
seeking the right path

insistent thunder
lightning touch illuminates
silent awareness

eyes skyward inside
then sharp staccato breathing
now laughter and smiles

waiting hand reaching
fingertips tracing tear paths
hunger awakens

Priceless

1998-11-26T01:01:00.000-05:00

written in reaction to Frippertronics

A man on a stage holding an instrument

Great moaning rivers
slender rivulets   twinkling brooks
crisscrossing currents underlie
a horn sounds crying life
red nebulous light frames the maker
scattered glass upon pavement foundation
in fading suns lie the seeds of new generations
through chiming reverie a kaliedoscope of worlds waking
cosmic magic
a reumbling refrain   the coursing of time eternal
and on the seventh note - he rested

**

chambered drip   distant thunderclap
beasts braying   echoing   fire huddling   muttering undertow
a caress cushions the fear
outside storm battering wind nailing rain rock leaves
a lover's firelight eyes   igniting   consuming
the maker reflecting   emotion unrevealing
inscrutable music   we are all the maker
great engines tearing out crescendo after crescendo
one lone voice singing at the head of the storm
one voice crying
one voice reaching
one voice   a multitude of answers
each answer a cacophony of other voices   other worlds
no voice is alone   no maker is one
no river flows to an end   no beginning
no more than this   and no need

**

sound of low bells roar echoing the storm
rippling through the charged and heated air
passing surreptitious crouching predator
surveying playing prey
life living only through death
a horn sounds crying life
huddled fire   singing   cowering
light footfall beating a circle   a ward
a home
a runner shouting
a hunter under fiery sun
a sage delivering the past
sound of chiming air echoing the creation

**

above the clouds a falling cinder etches its name in the hearts of the artists and priests below
depriving time from their machinery

Turning You Over

1998-11-16T01:01:00.000-05:00

Turning you over
I'm turning you over in my mind

In my mind, I'm thinking   I've always admired you
Forthrightness
Confidence in your viewpoint
Confidence in your body, your physical presence
Practical flexibility
The ability to recognize a good time for what it is and immerse yourself in it
All things I wanted in myself
All things I wanted to touch in others
I touched you...

Turning you over
I'm turning you over,   in my mind
Feeling your back
Feeling your sureness and strength
My hands a thawing glacier washing over you
Not even aware of what you are doing to me, preparing me for
Eventually   I'm not even there, in my mind
I'm turning you over

In lecture class today, I'm turning you over in my mind
I'm not even there
And wherever I am   I need you there with me,   you are there...
Feel the heat of your desire
The pull of your determination for rightness
Your hands and lips, rays of the sun pinpricking my skin
You reveal to me things I never knew,   always knew

I'm turning you over in my mind
Turning you over

Passion Release / Fear Release

1998-11-02T01:01:00.000-05:00

Passion Release

wordless heat speaks, spoken
flooded delta passion skin
expectant thrusting root taken
unending shiver trivial want
cavernous pool tremor reflection

Fear Release

emotional buoy washing overunder
unfolding fear coursing barrier
unhindered tear battering soil
binding interference cable ready
refracted diffusion illusory fracture

Create

1990-01-01T01:00:00.000-05:00

1985.10.04

Release from hazy mystery,
unlocked at no command,
a broken, twisted history
from the pen held in my hand.